I was rattling or is it racking? Actually it’s racking, let me start again….

I was RACKING my brain trying to think of new blog post topic and then someone commented on a photo I uploaded of myself on holiday in Barcelona and BAM, I had my new topic.

So yesterday I posted this picture in my faceook group

I’m on holiday because I work f*cking hard so SUE ME!

Anyway someone commented on this photo saying this:

I mean FUCK ME, where do I even start with this one?

I understand that it’s annoying when you are not on holiday and someone else is and for them to then post a picture like this right in front of your face. I get it, it’s fucking irritating when it happens to me too but that’s just life. Of course it all boils down to jealousy because wouldn’t everyone like to be sitting on a rooftop in Barcelona right now? OBVIOUSLY but why the need for the added hate? I just can’t bare that type of negativity. When I see people I know on holiday in an amazing place? In my head I am obviously thinking ‘Oh fuck you, I hate you’ but I would NEVER say that to them and THAT is the difference. There is no need to project such hatred onto someone because you are jealous of what they are doing or have got. We are all capable of jealousy and you can always find someone to be jealous of but we all have our own lives that all take us down different paths and that’s just life.

So this guy is obviously extremely unhappy with his life and I feel very sorry for him. He can’t afford to go on holiday but he clearly doesn’t like me so he has 2 options:

  1. Keep following me
  2. Unfollow me

We all have a choice and he has a choice to look or look away. Personally I would suggest he goes for the latter option because I don’t ever want to be responsible for someone’s unhappiness and I can understand for someone who suffers from depression, how my photo of me sunning myself in Barcelona could deepen his depression. But he has a choice and I have had many friends who have gone off Facebook and Instagram and have said they feel much calmer by doing so. Having others people’s lives shoved in their faces all the time is not ideal but my point is we are CHOOSING to look. I also try and be as honest as I can on social media, if I am feeling shit one day I won’t post a picture of me smiling because by doing this I am lying to others and most importantly to myself BUT in this picture above I am genuinely happy so I posted it.

My gut reaction when I read his comment was that of anger because he writes like he knows me and to assume that someone who has severe anxiety can’t enjoy a holiday is LUDICROUS. I have worked so utterly hard on myself and to recover (slowly!) from anxiety that for me to now actually enjoy a holiday is SUCH a blessing and something I am eternally grateful for. So with this anger I had developed,  I started to form a reply based on that emotion but then I stopped myself because as I read it again, I could sense such sadness in his post so me to then attack him back would make me down to his level.

I think this is one of the main things I hate about being ‘online’ and one of the very dark things about the internet is that my life is showcased for all to see. The upside of this is that I get to share things that are important to me with everyone and attempt in a very small way to make this world a better place. Like my experiences with severe anxiety or my love for animals and their welfare.  However, the very obvious down side to all this is that I am literally putting myself on a chopping board for everyone to judge, comment and criticise. And for someone with anxiety, I can assure you that is not a good thing.

I really do try and live by the quote ‘If you have nothing nice to say then don’t say it at all’. I didn’t really used to live by this quote but my nervous breakdown TOTALLY changed me and the kind of person I was. I would make small comments to people around me, not in a malicious way but in a ‘not thinking’ way so I wouldn’t think about how my comment might come across or be received. But now I think before I speak and am careful with what I say to people because you just don’t know what someone is going through so you need to tread very carefully.

This world is fucked in so many ways and I just think the nicest thing you can is just be kind to others, what could be better than that?

So yes, you might be jealous that I am currently sitting on a beautiful rooftop in Barcelona but just try and keep those thoughts to yourself and the world will be a much nicer place.

Thanks for reading this 🙂

Em xx

 

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