I felt compelled to write a blog post on this because I didn’t feel as though a tweet or a facebook post gave me enough room to really talk about it properly.

I went to a new gym today to do a Hiit class (It was AMAZING but bloody TOUGH which I complain about but secretly I absolutely love it!) and I was in the changing rooms after chatting to the 2 girls I did the class with about my channel and the kind of content I make. I was saying how it was very comedy focused but recently I have been doing a lot of stuff around mental health and fitness. The conversation then ended (because they had showers not because they were bored of talking to me…..I think!) and I went to the mirrors to dry my hair. Then the girl who signed me in at reception then came up to me and said ‘Did I hear you mention you had a channel about mental health?’ to which she then started saying how she suffers very badly from anxiety and that she has just started anti depressants which seem to be helping a bit but she is trying to do more fitness as she knows it can be really helpful.

Now I am someone who will openly chat to anyone about my experiences with mental health because I know how valuable that can be for someone. I know this because it was once so valuable to me when I was at my lowest. Just for someone to say ‘I totally understand what you are going through’ means the world! Although it won’t fix you, what it will do is make you feel less alone and reassure you that you are NOT going mad and that is HUGE when you are suffering…….HUGE (sorry I LOVE a capital letter!).

She then began talking about certain symptoms of anxiety and how she often felt like she was in a dream or a film and how she thought she was going insane. I then started to tell her how utterly normal this was and that you’d struggle to find someone who has anxiety who didn’t have this symptom or at least know what it was. I also said I had had it and still have it on some days and how it’s utterly normal despite being terrifying at first. Honestly you should have seen the look of relief on her face and she said ‘oh my god thank you so much, I am so pleased I came to speak to you, you’ve made me feel so much better and that I am not going insane’. We then continued to have a lovely chat about it all in which I spoke about how much fitness has helped me and that I know it can be really hard at first when you feel shit but it gets easier the more you do it. I also recommended the book I bang on about all the time on my channel ‘At Last a Life’ by Paul David and she said she would buy it and check out the videos about mental health on my channel.

This example is EXACTLY why I ignore my parent’s advice about not talking about anxiety because honestly, there is no feeling like that feeling where you know you have really made someone feel less alone in whatever they are going through. What my parents fail to understand is that if NO ONE talked about mental health, I truly believe there would be an even higher suicide rate in this country. When I had hugely severe anxiety last year, if no one had spoken about it either on youtube or to me in person then, well to be honest I don’t even like to think about what could have happened. There is nothing more important to knowing you are NOT alone!

I walked out of that gym with such a smile on my face because I was THAT girl and now I am going through recovery I get to talk to people and help them.

If you are currently struggling and feel as though you have no one in your life that ‘gets it’ then remember, you have me.

Also the website that Paul David set up was and is still sometimes invaluable to me on my ‘down’ days. Not only has he written some great blog posts but there is a wonderfully supportive community on there where everyone shares their stories and helps eachother. I can’t recommend his website more highly:


Thank you for listening

Emily x

I know what you’re thinking….you don’t look 33 Emily! Please stop….you’re making me blush

30 bloody 3, you know when your birthday is coming up and you’re like oh my god I am actually going to be 33. How did I get here? It’s weird. When I was younger, I thought 33 was sooooo old and now I’m 33 it’s like wow I am still acting like I am 20. Except now when I go out I like to sit down and that’s it. Every year before my birthday I think I am ok about the fact I am 1 year older but then that date creeps up slowly and then I start to freak out a bit. Well not freak out, I’m over exaggerating but I do feel a bit weird, that’s normal right? You can’t answer me. It’s kind of like christmas or new year isn’t it? It’s like a time of year where you think what you were doing last year, where you were, how you felt, what have you achieved in that year. And don’t get me wrong last year I felt pretty bloody terrible on my birthday. I was drowning in anxiety and I wasn’t able to appreciate much so to just know how much I have improved is amazing in itself but I won’t lie, I still don’t REALLY wanna be 33. There are things I don’t have which I would like, like a partner (god I actually just said the word partner), I would like to stop being so frivolous with money and actually save something, anything actually. I do want children 100%, when I was younger I was always the one of our sisters to play with babies, and do babysitting and I have always just ben very maternal and good with children and this is something I want for my life. Some people aren’t that bothered about having children but I am and always have been. So I think as a woman in your 30s these are things you naturally think about. Do you know what isn’t helpful? Other people telling you that. When people are like ‘ohh should you be thinking about kids soon’, ‘you know it becomes harder to get pregnant as you get older’, what confuses me is do people think it’s helpfuil when they say stuff like this? Are they seriously stupid enough to not think these are things I already know and already put pressure on myself about so I don’t need the added pressure from you. Ok? I understand that women have to think more about age with regards to children because of our stupid biological clocks  but no one needs reminding of it, NO ONE. Because I assure you we already know! I spent 2 years of my life with insane anxiety worrying about things I cannot control and I am not doing that anymore. Would I like to meet someone? Yes. Would I like to have children at some point? Absolutely. Am I willing to settle for someone just because I want that stuff? No! if you are, then you know that’s great but I just can’t do that and I don’t want to do that. I have friends who are single and miserable, I have friends who are with people and miserable. I have friends who are single and couldn’t care less, and friends who are very happy with their partners. We are all on different paths and I know it’s so easy to compare ourselves sometimes to other people but that’s their life, this is yours. Comparing will drive you insane, trust me. It’s a large part of why I went I insane last year I think.


I’ll be honest, I have spent most of my life thinking  I need a man to complete me and when I met someone THEN I’ll be happy. Fuck me, what a load of absolute bollocks!! Like seriously!! And it’s taken me a long time to be happy being by myself and I honestly think there is nothing more important than that. Jessica hates being by herself and rarely is actually and I used to be like that but over the years I am truly embraced it and become so much more brave and indepedant than I ever thought possible and I’m proud of myself for that. And while I’m on the topic of being single, why is it that we treat single people like some anthropological study? It’s like what is the big deal? Do I need a boyfriend to get validation from other people or something? I think increasingly nowadays (and I can only real speak for women here) but being single is a choice, atleast for me anyway because a lot of us nowadays aren’t willing to settle. It’s 2017, as someone with a vagina I have more to offer life than being a wife and bearing a child, yes biology will obviously fuck us in the end but there is more to us now and some people need to remember that.

Wow I’ve gone of topic, I have a habit of doing that……..

So yes I’m 33 in (however many days) days and as much as I can’t quite believe I’m going to be 33. I’m proud of myself for a lot of things:

  1. For not giving up when things were absolutely horrific
  2. For being self employed and sticking with my dreams (because there were big lows with regards to that and not knowing how I’m going to pay my rent often)
  3. For keeping going with my youtube channel. It’s been 5 years with putting 1 sometimes two videos every week. That is madness and it takes a shit load of self motivation

So although I don’t have everything my heart desires, I feel ok about being 33. But if anyone mentions my ovaries, I will LOSE. MY. SHIT

God I don’t even know where to begin on this. I am not going to go into the back story of my history of severe anxiety because I have spoken about it so many times on my channel.  But most of my long term subscribers know of my past struggles and I have just got back from Bareclona and as I was sitting on the rooftop of our hotel I don’t even know why I started thinking about this but I was suddenly quite overcome with just sadness that because of my anxiety, I essentially lost 2 years of my life. I don’t mean ‘lost’ as in, I did absolutely nothing. I didn’t just sit in my room for 2 years and not go outside or anything, although often going outside and doing something was extremely difficult. I just feel like I didn’t live for those 2 years and I kinda wanted to talk about it and get my thoughts down on paper. Partly from a selfish perspective because it’s quite cathartic for me to get my thoughts written down and spoken about but also for other people to feel less alone I guess and to know that I might feel the same as you. If only 1 person watching this video can relate and it makes me feel just a little better, then it’s been worth it.

Before I start talking about it, I want to clarify that what I went through was horrific but I also know that other people might have suffered for longer and are thinking ‘2 years, that’s nothing, try 10’ or whatever. I don’t want to downplay anyone else’s mental health issues, all I can do is comment on my own and my opinions of it all. So I truly hope I don’t offend anyone in this video and if anyone wants to share their experiences, please comment down below and I promise to reply to as many people as possible because I can talk about this subject for a long time. All I try and do is get people talking about what they’re going through because a problem shared is a problem halved genuinely. I wouldn’t have got through what I did without those people around me that knew exactly what I was going though, that was definitely a very essential part of my recovery so yeah, let’s all talk about it.

I just feel sad I think, not like a sadness that is making me feel anxious or anything. I just feel a bit sad and regret is an emotion I also feel but regretting is just such a waste of time, like literally the past doesn’t exist, it’s nothing, it’s gone. All you have is the here and now but it’s human nature to look back on stuff isn’t it? We humans love an analysing session don’t we? So I won’t spend too much time on talking about regret because it is something I don’t want to do anymore because whatever I did prior to my breakdown were choices I made at the time and they felt right then even if they probably weren’t really. I probably could have avoided my breakdown but in saying that, maybe something else would have happened that would have in a word…broken me, who knows? I knew I couldn’t handle the instability and ups and downs of the tv and online industry yet I didn’t give up on it because I’m not like that but there were so many signs I ignored and anxiety ended up getting the better of me. But anyway as I said, I’m not dwelling on regret because I don’t think it’s healthy.

I’m just sad that I missed out 2 years of my life because of anxiety. It was all I thought about 24 hours of every fucking day, I wasn’t sleeping at all, I couldn’t work because I found being around ppl too hard,  I didn’t go out so I didn’t meet any guys at all during this time and I’m sad that I wasted time from when I was 30 to 32 I guess. I was just obsessed with anxiety and when anxiety is all you think about and when you can’t function like other people, that is when you know you have a serious problem and I really did. I want to meet someone and I want certain things from life and I’m so sad that for those 2 years I cared about nothing apart from trying to get better mentally, hmmmm I don’t know. I was talking to my older sister about this in Barcelona and she was saying ‘we all have regrets, there are things we all feel sad about.  That was your life path, who knows what would happened, maybe this was just how things were meant to be for you and who knows it could have turned out even worse’ and she’s totally right. We all can look at the past and think what I should have done or could have done but you have to believe that what is meant to be will be and being totally honest, my breakdown was always going to happen and I knew it, ever since I was younger and I genuinely form the bottom of my heart don’t regret my breakdown because it has taught me things that will stay with me forever. I have read up so much about the mind and anxiety and depression and knowing what I know now I KNOW I will never have a breakdown ever again. So the tools I have to handle it all now is incredible and without my breakdown I would still be suffering from anxiety and feeling totally confused about what it is and how to handle it.

However, in saying all of that, I can’t get those 2 years of my life back and of course that makes me sad. Would I have met the love of my life? Would I have my own sitcom that I have always wanted? Maybe, maybe not. Those questions are impossible to answer so I don’t think about them because that doesn’t lead to  a good place, I’m just being totally honest about all of this and saying how it makes me feel.

What I do have, is a future and for those 2 years I couldn’t even envisage one so that is something I am eternally grateful for and often still can’t believe I am where I am today. I can work, and I can enjoy things and actually look forward to future events and for a long time I wasn’t capable of any of this. So the future is mine now and I am not going to waste anymore time thinking about anxiety. I am not totally recovered but that’s ok. I now feel in control of my life and I feel creative again. I can’t change the past but that doesn’t mean I still don’t feel a bit sad about it.

I hope this video has been helpful in some way or did I just ramble on? I’m not sure. Hopefully the former is true. Please comment below, we can all share our stories together and chat about it because you know me, I love to talk.

Thanks for reading this 🙂

Emily x



I was rattling or is it racking? Actually it’s racking, let me start again….

I was RACKING my brain trying to think of new blog post topic and then someone commented on a photo I uploaded of myself on holiday in Barcelona and BAM, I had my new topic.

So yesterday I posted this picture in my faceook group

I’m on holiday because I work f*cking hard so SUE ME!

Anyway someone commented on this photo saying this:

I mean FUCK ME, where do I even start with this one?

I understand that it’s annoying when you are not on holiday and someone else is and for them to then post a picture like this right in front of your face. I get it, it’s fucking irritating when it happens to me too but that’s just life. Of course it all boils down to jealousy because wouldn’t everyone like to be sitting on a rooftop in Barcelona right now? OBVIOUSLY but why the need for the added hate? I just can’t bare that type of negativity. When I see people I know on holiday in an amazing place? In my head I am obviously thinking ‘Oh fuck you, I hate you’ but I would NEVER say that to them and THAT is the difference. There is no need to project such hatred onto someone because you are jealous of what they are doing or have got. We are all capable of jealousy and you can always find someone to be jealous of but we all have our own lives that all take us down different paths and that’s just life.

So this guy is obviously extremely unhappy with his life and I feel very sorry for him. He can’t afford to go on holiday but he clearly doesn’t like me so he has 2 options:

  1. Keep following me
  2. Unfollow me

We all have a choice and he has a choice to look or look away. Personally I would suggest he goes for the latter option because I don’t ever want to be responsible for someone’s unhappiness and I can understand for someone who suffers from depression, how my photo of me sunning myself in Barcelona could deepen his depression. But he has a choice and I have had many friends who have gone off Facebook and Instagram and have said they feel much calmer by doing so. Having others people’s lives shoved in their faces all the time is not ideal but my point is we are CHOOSING to look. I also try and be as honest as I can on social media, if I am feeling shit one day I won’t post a picture of me smiling because by doing this I am lying to others and most importantly to myself BUT in this picture above I am genuinely happy so I posted it.

My gut reaction when I read his comment was that of anger because he writes like he knows me and to assume that someone who has severe anxiety can’t enjoy a holiday is LUDICROUS. I have worked so utterly hard on myself and to recover (slowly!) from anxiety that for me to now actually enjoy a holiday is SUCH a blessing and something I am eternally grateful for. So with this anger I had developed,  I started to form a reply based on that emotion but then I stopped myself because as I read it again, I could sense such sadness in his post so me to then attack him back would make me down to his level.

I think this is one of the main things I hate about being ‘online’ and one of the very dark things about the internet is that my life is showcased for all to see. The upside of this is that I get to share things that are important to me with everyone and attempt in a very small way to make this world a better place. Like my experiences with severe anxiety or my love for animals and their welfare.  However, the very obvious down side to all this is that I am literally putting myself on a chopping board for everyone to judge, comment and criticise. And for someone with anxiety, I can assure you that is not a good thing.

I really do try and live by the quote ‘If you have nothing nice to say then don’t say it at all’. I didn’t really used to live by this quote but my nervous breakdown TOTALLY changed me and the kind of person I was. I would make small comments to people around me, not in a malicious way but in a ‘not thinking’ way so I wouldn’t think about how my comment might come across or be received. But now I think before I speak and am careful with what I say to people because you just don’t know what someone is going through so you need to tread very carefully.

This world is fucked in so many ways and I just think the nicest thing you can is just be kind to others, what could be better than that?

So yes, you might be jealous that I am currently sitting on a beautiful rooftop in Barcelona but just try and keep those thoughts to yourself and the world will be a much nicer place.

Thanks for reading this 🙂

Em xx


Now I love to sing and although I am not the BEST singer I still love to sing god damn it

I have so many talented friends who are singers and musicians so I decided what better than to get them to sing with them and make me SH*T HOT 🙂

So myself, Rosie Hopkins and Kyla Stroud did a cover of ‘I Will Wait’ by Mumford & Sons and in my humble opinion, it turned out pretty good…….have a listen

Rosie Hopkins:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Rosiesgigs
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rosiehoppers/

Kyla Stroud Music:


My socials:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/emilyhartridge
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/10ReasonsWhy
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emilyhartridge/

Thanks for listening everyone

Emily x

Someone recently posted this comment on one of my Instagram’s pictures and I thought it was a very interesting observation.

Being totally honest, he kinda hit the nail on the head. I am both happy AND lonely

I am 32 so ofCOURSE I would like to meet someone who I can build a life with and create amazing memories with (and voluntarily donate their sperm to me too) but I spent YEARS worrying about things that are totally out of my control and it sent me into a dark place that I never thought I would get of, so I say….

I have the most amazing group of friends around me and I have the most loving family (apart from when Jessica pisses me off) so I am not ‘technically’ what you would call lonely but I am alone, you know? I am not embarrassed to admit that I do feel lonely some nights and more often on the weekends. I mean, I don’t know about you but I don’t even like weekends. I think that has a lot to do with being single (in my humble opinion) because when you are ‘with partner’ you don’t need to make as many plans, you can just fly by the seat of ya pants. LUCKY BASTARDS! But when you are single, you need to plan more because otherwise you really will be physically alone the entire weekend!

Let me clarify what I mean more because I don’t want what I am trying to say to be misunderstood…..

It’s not that I don’t feel completed because I don’t need anyone to complete me but it would be nice to have someone in my life to share things with and to create a future together.  I think that would be nice and I would like that very much.

So in a nutshell, I am lonely but I am happy which is kind of weird but then I’m kind of weird so I’ll take that

I recently went to Salcombe in Devon with ALL my family and there are a lot of us…

It was:

Charlotte (my older sis)
Jess (younger sis)
Alice (twin of Jess)
Ed (Charlotte’s husband)
Bertie (Alice’s boyfriend)
Arlo (Charlotte’s son)
Winter (Charlotte’s daughter)

So yeah as I said. There was A LOT of us 🙂

I love to film when I go away because I love the memories these videos create and they are something we can all look back on in years to come and treasure them.

Unfortunately these kind of vlogs don’t do so well on my channel because well, they don’t have boobs in the title (oh dear) but I don’t care because I love making these videos so much and I hope you all enjoy watching them (for those of you who are less bothered about the lack of boob chat).

Anyway, here is the vlog. Enjoy…..


I’m writing this on the train as I am on route to Salcombe in Devon as the Hartridge’s commence their annual Easter trip in the West Country. I remember this time last year and I was so riddled with anxiety that looking forward to anything again seemed like a distant memory. However. none of my family would have known how much I was struggling because I was doing what every person who suffers from mental health issues is doing every god damn day….



They say those with anxiety or depression (although I have to admit my knowledge of depression is fairly limited because not to downplay how severe it was but anxiety was my ‘thing’) are the best actors and actresses in the world because often and this is excluding those who are severely mentally ill, often you could not spot someone who was suffering. You certainly wouldn’t have been able to if you had met me a year ago, you would actually probably gone as far as to say ‘That girl seems really happy’. I’ve done this with people I have met too and then later they confess that they are struggling and it breaks my heart thinking of the ‘show’ we have to put on sometimes just so other people don’t find out. For me it wasn’t just that I didn’t want other people to know I had severe anxiety, I was also trying to ‘fake it so I could make it’ which actually does really help.


Do you know that your brain is actually really stupid and doesn’t know the difference between actually happy and pretend happy? So by pretending that you’re ok and acting normally in front of others your body starts to send signals to your brain that you are in fact safe and not in danger. As a result of all that, your anxiety levels will begin to reduce. Now I know this sounds easy in practice but let me tell you from someone who suffered with severe anxiety and thought of nothing else all day/all night (sleep was basically out of the question), just trying to act ‘normal’ feels almost impossible and often the very thought of being in a social situation was too much to bare. Being totally honest, it probably took me about a year to master this and I still have rare days now where it takes me by surprise but the conversation in my head now goes a little like this:

Anxiety- Shit Emily, this is a situation you used to panic in and I think you should panic now actually because you don’t know that person and you have to spend an entire lunch talking to them. Freak out, freak out now!

Me – Oh piss off

Everyone goes at their own paces so don’t compare yourself to anyone else, we all recover at different rates. I always knew it would take a while for me because I am extremely impatient and if you talk to ANYONE with mental health problems, they will tell you that the one word to always remember is PATIENCE. And boy was I lacking that……

I feel like I have gone off on a massive tangent from where I wanted this blog post to go, that’s the thing with anxiety. Once I start talking about it, it’s honestly like the gates open and words just flow.

Anyway yes so I am on this train off to Salcombe and I guess I am just so appreciative of how calm I am and that I am ACTUALLY looking forward to it (both the champagne when I get there AND spending time with my family obvs). What is so strange about appreciating these things is that before I started to experience anxiety, the things I used to appreciate were so different or should I say, the things I took for granted. Feeling calm, having amazing friends and family, my health, my heart not racing a zillion miles an hour, ACTUALLY getting 7/8 hours sleep a night. We ALL take these things for granted and until you go through something that shakes you to your utter core, you probably always will. This is why I am so weirdly grateful for my breakdown and I don’t use the word ‘breakdown’ lightly I can assure you. I don’t want to get too dark but I didn’t see the point in being here, that’s how low I was. Going through all that has made me so much stronger and has totally changed my outlook on life and myself.

The majority of us dwell on the past or worry about the future but when you actually think about it its crazy. The past has happened, there is literally NOTHING you can do to change it and the future has not happened yet so quit worrying about it!

I know these are just words and I make that sound easy but I know it’s not, as I said it has taken me a long time to get there and I still have ‘those’ days but I have read up so much about the mind that it just all makes sense to me now.

I will go into this book in more detail in another post but the book can set me on my path to recovery is called ‘At Last a Life’ by Paul David. Paul is the most amazing man you will ever come across and dedicates his entire life to helping others who suffer from anxiety. He’s not a doctor or a psychiatrist but do you know what he is? Someone who has ACTUALLY experienced severe anxiety, for 10 whole years in fact. There is nothing I hate more than seeing a book on anxiety written by some doctor or so called ‘expert’ who has never experienced it in his life, YOU KNOW NOTHING MATE!!!!

Without Paul’s book and help, I shudder to think where I would be today, I really do. Paul, if you ever read this, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you have done for me. If I was best mates with God, I would get him to open those gates WIDE OPEN for you J

Sorry if it was a bit of a random post.

Thanks for listening

Emily x


To find more out about Paul David go here:






Just to note: there is a video on this topic on my channel which I link below but I really enjoyed making so I thought I would write a blog post about it too so enjoy…….

Being a single 32 year old I often get asked the question of what I look for in a man or a boyfriend and I think we all know the traits we would like our PERFECT man to have. I certainly know mine HOWEVER and this is a big HOWEVER I am NOT looking for a man who ticks every single one of these boxes. Would this be the dream? Absolutely. Is my life a romantic comedy? Absolutely not.

So here are the top 10 things I look for in a man and Liam Hemsworth if you’re reading this, I am ready for you….mentally and physically.

Sense of humour

I am aware this is an extremely predictable desired trait in a man but it’s genuinely top of my list. I have been on numerous dates with very good looking men (it’s hard to say that without sounding like a twat so I just went for it) and although I thoroughly enjoyed looking at them the entire evening, they just didn’t make me laugh so the whole evening was just a bit ‘meh’. There is nothing more euphoric than leaving a date with a guy that you spent the whole evening laughing with! That sh*t is better than crack I tell ya (Just to clarify I haven’t tried crack but I’m sure pretty sure this would be better).  I have a few dating app dates (kill me) and so many guys seem to funny in their messages but then when I meet then, it’s like ‘What happened?!’ ‘You were so funny when we were messaging?’. I know it’s because on the app they had time to think of something funny but it’s just so disappointing. This is happened to me more times than I care to admit and I am so bored of it. WHERE ARE THE ALL FUNNY MEN?!?!?!?


Okay so shoot me, I want a hot boyfriend. Obviously we all have different versions of ‘hot’ and I don’t need a Brad Pitt lookalike or anything (although obvs that would be the dream) but I have this weird thing that when I have a boyfriend EVERYTIME he walks into a room I want to look at him and think ‘I GET TO TAP THAT’.

I mean as you both grow old you will probably lose this feeling, as his balls get saggier so I think when you’re younger it’s important to have this lust for each other. And I really do believe you can have both lust and love in a relationship. It’s an ‘and’ NOT an ‘or’.


Again, VERY cliché but I am a sucker for a genuinely lovely and kind guy. I think you often KNOW when someone is just basically a really nice guy and it’s extremely sexy in my opinion. I know there is a lot of talk about women loving bad boys and men who ‘treat them mean to keep them keen’ and I won’t lie to you, I have fallen for this trap more times than I care to admit (in fact it happened about 1 month ago!). We as women might lust after a bad boy BUT we will never marry one!

Chilled Personality

I know this come as shock to you all but I am not the most chilled person you have ever met. I mean, I am actually chilled about some things but if I were to describe myself to someone I wouldn’t use the word ‘chilled’. Funny? Yes. Chilled? Not so much. So for me personally, I would ideally like a man who is fairly chilled and relaxed to balance me out.


My ambition is actually something I really pride myself on. Although it definitely leaves me a bit exhausted sometimes, I am always striving, always working hard and always trying to make shit happen. So it’s definitely something I also look for in a guy. He doesn’t necessarily have to be hugely successful or rich but he just needs to have ambition to make his mark on the world and not sit on his ass the whole time waiting for something happen.



Now I am 5’11 which can be great but also bloody annoying sometimes because it essentially halves the pool of men I can choose from. I know some women don’t mind their boyfriend being shorter than them but I just don’t like it. It feels weird when you’re walking down the street with your boyfriend and you’re the one that ends up putting you arm around him, you know? I actually did have quite a short boyfriend once for a few months and although I did really fancy him but I spent the entire relationship saying we should sit down when we were out because we were the same height sitting down……

So yes in an ideal world, my future husband would be taller than me.

No party boys!!

Now you may or may not know this about but I suffered from chronic anxiety for many years so with regards to drinking, I have to take it fairly easy. I now know my limits and I stick to them because it’s just not worth it the next day. If you have no mental health issues and feel tired, paranoid and a bit sketchy on a hangover. Times how you felt by 100 and you’ll know how I used to feel on a hangover……

I do drink and go out obviously because I am single and I ain’t going to find my future hubby on my sofa but with regards to my future hubby, I couldn’t be with anyone who was a huge party boy and liked to get smashed most days of the week because we’d just be on totally opposite wave lengths and it would never work. I have been with people in the past like this and it was a total nightmare. We spent most of the time arguing because I wanted to go home by 1am and his night was basically starting……which is my idea of a NIGHTMARE!!

Good in Social Situations

Despite my anxiety, I am ironically someone who is very good in social situations and I actually love meeting new people. I say ‘ironically’ because a lot of people with anxiety find socialising hard but that’s definitely not the case with me. You could throw me into a room full of strangers and I’ll be making new friends within minutes so this is a quality I also look for in a man. If I took him to a party where he didn’t know anyone, I don’t want to have to worry about him chatting to people and having a fun time. I’d like to be able to throw him into any situation and watch him work the room. For me, that is VERY sexy


Now I think because I am a fairly confident and independent woman people generally assume I wouldn’t like romance but let me tell you a little secret:

I     BLOODY       LOVE       IT

Before you get on your sexist high horse, I know women can be romantic too and I am actually a very romantic girlfriend but I really do want a romantic boyfriend too. I don’t know why, I can’t explain it, I just love it! I think it’s because to be romantic you have to be thoughtful and really take the time to think what that person would like and what would make him or her happy. I also think men don’t realise what suckers women can be for romance, it can be the smallest gift or gesture and it will actually make her day.
On Valentines day one year, my ex boyfriend did a treasure hunt for me around the area I lived in and every clue I found had a gift for me with it. It honestly must have taken him so long to plan and orchestrate and it was just amazing.

Let’s just ignore the fact we broke up 5 months later shall we…….


Yes men, I said COMMITMENT. I look for commitment in a man…..I’m 32, so sue me! Now I am not saying on the first date I want to discuss marriage, babies and if you’ll be including me your will because I am not insane. But I just don’t have time for any commitment phobes and that’s all there is to it.

So there you go, my top 10 things I look for in a man. I hope you enjoyed reading this list J

I am now off to pray that someone who ticks all these boxes will walk into my life in the not so distant future…….

See ya

Em x




I recently made a video for my channel called ‘Am I Happy?’ and it seems to have really resonated with people. It was a video I was unsure about making because I kind of believe it’s best not to analyse our lives and our happiness too much as it can take you down a bad path.

There is a quote I read somewhere which said:

‘If you are happy, don’t analyse your happiness, don’t ask questions and don’t even think about it; just live it to the fullest’.

I think there is much truth in this quote, HOWEVER I did find it a fairly interesting process to question if I was happy and I was extremely honest about my thoughts on it.

So without further ado, here is the video and I hope some of you find it helpful. If nothing else, I hope it makes you feel less alone.